Planet Stoopid Fresh AKA The Rainbow Flipper Musical Explosion

The Crazy Nastyass Honey Badger (original narration by Randall)

2011-02-01T23:03:00.000-05:00

HAVE YOU SEEN RANDALL'S WILD WILD WORLD OF ANIMALS YET? OMG OMG OMG

I'M ON MANIC RADIO! LISTEN TO ME WILL YA?!

2009-12-22T05:18:00.007-05:00

THAT'S RIGHT FOLKS!
NOW YOU CAN LISTEN TO ME LIVE
ON MANIC RADIO!

TUESDAYS - 10PM-12AM (EST) / 7PM-9PM (PAC)
THURSDAYS - 10PM-12AM (EST) / 7PM-9PM (PAC)
SUNDAYS - 10PM-12AM (EST) / 7PM-9PM (PAC)

SIMPLY GO TO: www.manicradio.net and click "TUNE IN" to listen! OR: look for Manic Radio on your itunes radio under "HARD ROCK/METAL" *(my show is not metal)

>come chat with me in the live chat room + send requests & favors, charms & wine

>enjoy special musical treats and fantastic delights

>tell everyone you know about this show...now

PSF & TRFME RADIO!!! LISTEN NOW!!!

2009-09-06T03:52:00.037-04:00

DOWNLOAD PSF SHOWS FOR YOUR IPOD/ITUNES OR ANY MP3 PLAYER!
PLANET STOOPID FRESH ep. I
PLANET STOOPID FRESH ep. II
PLANET STOOPID FRESH ep. III
PLANET STOOPID FRESH ep. IV
PLANET STOOPID FRESH ep. V
PLANET STOOPID FRESH ep. VI

Episode One: get stoopid the ol' fashion way with dope tunes...
Episode Two: the california governor and president of the united states stop by the studio. special tribute to patrick swayze and jim carroll.
Episode Three: nice treats from michael jackson to babs streisand to method man...
Episode Four: crazy music from all different genres; paris hilton stops by the studio to say "yeah"...
Episode Five: dan lubell, the mops, RIP al martino and other fantastic treats!
Episode Six: apothecary hynms, grillz, gov. arnold stops by and fun treats galore!
TRFME: Episode II - LIVE broadcast on Manic Radio 12/23/09

CHECK OUT SCHOOLED!!!

2009-08-05T00:11:00.015-04:00

This is the trailer for a project conceived and developed by Mark Wilson:

2009-07-10T20:12:00.001-04:00

Christopher Zane Gordon on Facebook

Sit, Lionel! Good Boy!

2009-06-11T19:43:00.002-04:00

That's right...Lionel sits on demand! He is available for commercial, wedding, birthday, movie and television appearances.

The Secret Meeting

2009-06-10T20:30:00.005-04:00

I wrote the script to this short film some years ago. At the time, both Lionel and Metsy were already busy with other projects. I sat down with them recently, showed them the script and they said they were interested. Lionel and Metsy agreed, much to my delight, that both characters were very complex and felt it would be a challenge. As you can see, they brought so much life and depth to my script.

Dodgers Game

2009-04-19T23:36:00.003-04:00

what a game! dodgers win 14-2!!! matt kemp hit two home runs including a grand slam!!!

Learning to Drive: A Video Diary...

2009-03-20T21:36:00.003-04:00

you gotta start somewhere...

My Blips!

2008-12-07T08:00:00.001-05:00

Watch This Video Please!!!

2008-12-05T08:10:00.003-05:00

We entered this video in a contest. Watch is as often as you can--we need it to be viewed as many times as possible before the 7th...this Sunday! Tell your friends! Watch it again and again! Feel free to leave comments and rate it! Thank you!

Greatest Video Ever!

2008-11-11T00:12:00.001-05:00

The good life @ Yahoo! Video

Full Mayhem Forces-Planets Get Stoopid

2008-10-14T02:05:00.012-04:00

Isn't it time you treated yourself to some outrageously amazing mix-shows?! I think so.

PLANET STOOPID FRESH VOL. III
that's right, y'all...the illest mix-shows and most fun your ipod has ever seen. each volume is created and produced with love!

oh snaps! it's woody the puppy!
PLANET STOOPID FRESH VOL. II
PLANET STOOPID FRESH VOL. I
that's right, y'all... i seen a rainbow over brooklyn!

Lil' Baby Winston!!!!

2008-09-24T01:06:00.000-04:00

here's the cutest lil' baby! baby winston. ruddy's new lil' boy!

LET'S GO METS!

2008-09-22T05:02:00.003-04:00

i asked my pals to get up...open their window and yell, "LET'S GO METS!" here's my man, john c, bringing my request to life! dope!

Jenna

2008-09-13T04:29:00.004-04:00

chillin' in new hall, california, visiting my honey, becky. hung out with an old good pal of mine from back in the day, jeremy b! we went and picked up his amazing 3 year old girl, jenna...this is my interview with her.

Metsy Walks Around the House!!!

2008-08-27T16:31:00.004-04:00

UNREAL! MY BABY CAT METSY, WITH ONLY A LITTLE ASSISTANCE, IS ABLE TO WALK AROUND THE HOUSE! JUST LIKE HUMAN BEING!!!!!!

Mary Ann Busted for Weed!

2008-03-12T15:19:00.002-04:00

OH SNAP!

2008-03-10T22:10:00.004-04:00

it's a very informative program, The Hollywood Minute

all of today's hottest inside gossip!

LOOK AT THEM MOVES!

2008-03-10T21:59:00.001-04:00

Oh shnap!

Peep the Ill Link!

2008-03-03T01:28:00.005-05:00

CHECK ME OUT ON THE NY ARTS WEBSITE! (click this!)

Flannery O'Connor Rools!

2008-03-03T01:03:00.003-05:00

if you have a chance, read anything by Flannery O'Connor!

she was a fantastic short story writer (wrote 31 to be exact), novelist (2) and essayist from the south. he stories pack quite a wallop! check out: A Good Man is Hard to Find and Good Country People.

Subway Trains Are Fun!

2008-02-27T09:48:00.003-05:00

Wanna play a fun game that will pass time while you're on an MTA subway? It's called, "Get Me Off This Train!"
Count how many:
-People you see leaning against the doors, acting as "human doors"
-People hug the pole, rather than hold onto it
-Loud teenagers you hear cursing and over-using the "n" word
-Brain dead people stare at YOU
-Men are sitting with their legs wide apart, as though their balls are swollen
-People sneeze/cough, then hold the railing with the hand they just sneezed/coughed into
-Times your train stops without reason

NOW: total up your numbers once you get off the train. Add that number to your age. Divide the final number by 2. Then, on a calendar, count that many number of days (number of things from train listed above + your age divided by 2) from the day you do all this...and that will be your future, lucky day!

The Hardest Conversation to Have

2008-02-13T00:06:00.003-05:00

written, produced & directed by Harvey Loolooveshtar

HILLARY CLINTON ROOLS!

2008-02-06T17:02:00.000-05:00

last night i met the future president! she was great and it was really exciting! this is a quick vid of her meeting people and signing things...i made her laugh! i screamed, "YOU'RE AWESOME, HILLARY!!!" and got her to laugh at my silly, whiny NYer voice! (see pic above!)
rock on, hillary!

The Cat From Another Planet

2008-02-04T12:39:00.000-05:00

came from mars last night to see the Giants win it all quite a sight believe you me, this kitty is most heavenly sweet lou perfume prefer the cat fur of old shanty town cat life loving

RIP HEATH LEDGER

2008-01-28T16:23:00.001-05:00

dope actor...he passed away last week and it's still in my head...upsetting to say the least...keep him alive by seeing his films! he was just too damn young and it's shocking. life, truly, is far more precious than we know or consider at times.

We Share Faces

2008-01-28T16:20:00.000-05:00

NEXT FRIDAY!

2008-01-11T16:14:00.001-05:00

SHOPPING WITH BECKY AND LAUREN

2008-01-04T23:21:00.000-05:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2008-01-04T23:04:00.000-05:00

is this 2008? well...it sure feels like 2010 or perhaps 764 BC...

Former Pakistani Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto Assassinated

2007-12-27T11:14:00.001-05:00

benazir bhutto, assassinated this morning in rawalpindi, was the first female prime minister of pakistan and of any islamic nation. she led pakistan from 1988 to 1990 and again from 1993 to 1996. rest in peace...you were a strong woman, who shut up irrational men everywhere...

TODAY AT WORK...

2007-12-26T16:40:00.000-05:00

um...

How Lame?

2007-12-26T13:59:00.000-05:00

yesterday, i text mad peeps...telling them merry happy, &c...i text my ex and wish her and her's a happy merry...then, while i was asleep (my lady heard the phone though--while i slept) at 4AM, my ex's man calls and leaves a threatening message including such phrases as, "niu's not YOUR CAT--he MY cat now," (niu-u is my ex's cat that i cared for when i was unemployed) "i don't know you, you don't know me but--it's gonna go down" and my favorite, "back the fuck off, yo"--in response to what? my "merry x-mas" TEXT! a text mind you...jesus...well, eloquent he was not, though i've yet to encounter a "wigger" who is...really...i mean...there lies in the question: can ex BFs and GFs maintain a friendship? we had had one (friendship) prior to her meeting the white Young Jeezy, but, luckily for me i suppose, it dissolved over this young man's insecurity. and hell, sure, i'll admit it makes me feel uneasy when my lady gets a call or contact from her ex, but leaving threatening messages is a bit much. some folks get divorced and remain such "great pals," agreeing that they had made the right choice in not being married, but being friends and there for one another. i guess it's just a shame because my ex and i were seeming to be better friends than anything, or at least certainly, talking on a better level than we had when we were together. oh well...who cares really? just had to share this call i got and how shocking it is really when you consider what relationships can mean and what they become.
got to work late today and REALLY got it...i mean, i thought i would walk out...they thought they'd just fire me...it was tough, but ultimately, i am to blame for never getting enough sleep. i am not meant for a "9-5" or a large company or any sort of job that has to meet the demands of time parameters.
if i had it in me and the money (let's face it--it's about the money), i would get on an airplane today: fly to an island...any island and just sit...but who knows...

Shopping for Nothing

2007-12-26T13:33:00.000-05:00

a new flick from some french filmmakers...

Mamisita? Donde Esta Santa Rex?

2007-12-26T12:51:00.000-05:00

This is from x-mas at my mom's! Love you mom! Thanks again for everything and being so supportive!

My Boss Talks Behind My Back!

2007-12-18T13:16:00.001-05:00

i shoulda known...

Monday at Work! ep. #4

2007-12-17T16:53:00.001-05:00

What the hell is going on here? His wife told me on Saturday, he got loaded and called everyone on his cell phone at least twice!

Met at Work episode #3

2007-12-14T09:52:00.000-05:00

this is my boss calling a friend of his from california...

After We Filmed the Kraft Singles Thing...

2007-12-13T18:30:00.001-05:00

don't tell anyone about what you saw, okay?

2007-12-13T15:43:00.000-05:00

something about walrus

Note on the Fridge
my lung went on vacation
left me a note
on the fridge
which my pancreas
told me about
swollen limbs
side of bananas
four days later
my bladder called
and said
"hello from nevada"

Another Day at Werk

2007-12-13T15:21:00.000-05:00

sometimes e-mails can be a total hassle...my boss' wife comes in and tells me about the baseball steroid issue and who's been named so far!

Bad Advice

2007-12-13T13:45:00.001-05:00

this skit was really fun to shoot...made me wish i were a serious rapper, making music videos!

Me in the Breakfast Club...

2007-12-12T15:39:00.001-05:00

This is perhaps, one of my finest works! Did you know I was supposed to be in the Breakfast Club?

This is my 9-5

2007-12-12T15:36:00.000-05:00

This is a scene from my workday...that's my boss, David in the back. He's 73 and has MS. Amazing guy really...very sweet and nice...but, sometimes he forgets things and gets nasty, but hey--what can you do? I wonder how I'd fair at 73, in a wheelchair with MS...

adorable babies!

2007-12-12T15:25:00.001-05:00

AMAZING!

Well

2007-11-28T16:04:00.001-05:00

my day is draggin; too much to do, such little time. the work day should only be 4 days a week...my weekend should be three days...i wish i could take a vacation soon; could i? what are your plans for new year's? i don't know what i'm doing but i'd sure love to get the hell out of the city!

Look Ma! More Work

2007-11-27T12:21:00.000-05:00

False Advertising
Saturday Afternoon
Cat Power
Before & After

2007-11-27T11:25:00.000-05:00

someone told me it's all happening at the zoo...

2007-11-27T11:23:00.001-05:00

It Could Happen to You

PLEASE VOTE FOR US!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-11-27T11:00:00.001-05:00

dan lubell and i were chosen among the top 5 submissions for the Kraft Cheese grilled cheese commercial spot!!! we have a chance to win big money and have our video AIRED AS A SPOT ON TELEVISION!

http://www.myspace.com/haveahappysandwich

this means from now until dec. 2nd, people have
to vote for their fave video...and of course,
ours is on there! yay! please watch & vote for
us! *[we're the one all the way to the right--as
two lil' pieces of bread!] VOTE EVERYDAY PLEASE!
(one vote per profile a day allowed) IF WE WIN,
WE WILL THROW A CRAZY PARTY AND WE ALL CELEBRATE
AND GET CRAZY! NO JOKES! SO PLEASE...VOTE!

mad props to lil' sara jo, oren brimer and nathan klokes for
making the magic with us!

http://www.myspace.com/haveahappysandwich

*please pass this on to others! many thanks!

Circa 1964

2007-11-21T13:40:00.001-05:00

the year was 1964 and i had recently returned to new york from a long and tedious trip through the wakkka-wakkajihi islands near zippy-dee-du (about a mile south or so). there, i was providing care to guerrilla warriors and their families, up in the scattered hills. when i returned, i attended an engagement party with some friends. two days after this picture was taken, i was assigned to write poetry and tell jokes to north vietnamese mine workers and their families.

Tender Loins

2007-11-20T10:58:00.000-05:00

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

What's happening peoples? I am so tired right now...but tired is good...makes the heart grow fonder...right? Something...anyways, New York City is cold and damp.

AUDIO BLOG NOW! Y'ALL FEEL ME?

2007-11-16T16:27:00.000-05:00

Gabcast! Planet Stoopid Fresh #1

Is It Me?

2007-11-16T14:36:00.001-05:00

Back to School Special

Or is it starting to get cold out...like, really cold...i have cold...it cold out...me sniff, cough, spit...

You Want to Look at my Art Please?

2007-11-16T14:33:00.001-05:00

Pork Thai Sticks

So You Wanna Be A Nursing Aide?

Baby Found God

The Mets are so Nice!

2007-11-08T11:55:00.000-05:00

Tropical storm, Noel has hit the Dominican Republic really hard...so Moises Alou (who had a sweet hitting streak this year for the mets) and Pedro Martinez went to help...the Mets organization is pitching in too...ya gotta love my mets...meanwhile, posada and rivera are still considering leaving the yankees...LOL

Love Power

2007-11-06T16:24:00.001-05:00

I missed my honey so much when i was away...

Sorry, I've Been Away Too Long

2007-11-06T16:10:00.000-05:00

Last days? Perhaps...

Hey now, folks...sorry i haven't updated my blog in a bit--been crazy busy as ever! went recently to my friends' jon and amy's wedding in northern california! wine country! amazing! the ceremony was beautiful--both sides of the family: warm and caring, nice and friendly peeps...i cried, the groom cried, the wife cried--we ALL cried! it was perfect...weather was 70 degrees...amazing...i left NYC saturday, early morning...40 degrees...storm. good timing, eh?! i'm so proud and happy for these two newlyweds...they're great, smart, cool-ass folks and i'm excited for them. i DJ'd the wedding and sang a few songs (a swing version of "you shook me" by AC/DC, BTO's "you ain't seen nothin' yet" and "funkify your life" by the meters!)...it was great! but man, sitting on these airplanes for that long is something else, no? LOL...jetblue is a fun ride...flew into san fran. i hope they have kids soon! LOL...i'm all excited about newlyweds and the prospect of them having kids soon after...so what else, oh yeah, i have a meeting today with the broadway gallery about maybe showing my work there! my collages and paintings...should be very, very interesting. got together all my cookies in one basket and will pitch my art! LOL...wish me lucks. more later, including: "a-rod, please join the mets," "torre...just shut up already, will ya?" and "where in the world is carmen san diego already?!"

Greatest Game Ever!

2007-10-26T14:16:00.001-04:00

i have been playing dragon's lair a lot recently. let's face it, i was obsessed with the game in 1983, and i'm still noodles over it today! i recently got dragon's lair, dragon's lair II and space ace--all on DVD! the games are played with the DVD remote...crazy...also compatible with PS2 machines. i used to dream about dragon's lair when i was a kid...always wanted the coin operated machine in my house, the way ricky shroeder's character did on silver spoons..."how lucky he is" i thought...well, how you like me now? all gro'd up, 33 and playing the game i loved over 20 years ago! (sigh)...i need a moment...

Creepy!

2007-10-24T12:18:00.000-04:00

Can you guess what famous Brit rock star this is?

Ex-Gay Singers? Vote for Obama!

2007-10-24T12:01:00.000-04:00

everyone is making this big deal now because democratic presidential hopeful, barack obama has employed an ex-gay gospel singer, to open for him in some states on his tour. donnie mcclurkin, the former homosexual gospel singer, has been talkin' up a storm about how horrible homosexuality is. needless to say, this kinda silliness is painting obama in a bad light: how can he support this on his campaign trail, &c...anyone care? i suppose clinton does...why couldn't barack get stevie wonder?

Light at the End of the Tunnel=Breathing

2007-10-24T10:28:00.000-04:00

Star Evolution

sometimes, i'm finding, that really taking deep breathes, does help calm me. it's odd. i just focus on breathing and it seems to help. i wish i never let stress effect me the way it does. it's bizzare how it hurts my body so. anyways, sorry to be so "ommmmmmmmmmmm" but i'm trying to find ways to relieve myself of pain and stress...any suggestions?

Rockies vs Red Sox

2007-10-23T12:00:00.000-04:00

am i the only in interested in this world series? why did kevin millar throw out the first pitch to game 7 of the ALCS? manny sure popped a lot of junk but backed it up i suppose. how is jose reyes doing these days? i hardly ever see him. his smiling face. the days have been nice and warm for fall...terrible what's happening RIGHT NOW in california...lake arrowhead...lake on fire. mad rain in louisiana, more expected. end of days?

What a Schmuck!

2007-10-18T17:15:00.001-04:00

yes...we all know rudy's a yankee fan...and you know what? that's lame for other yankee fans and what i call, "guilt by association." luckily, i try my best to not hold it against all yankee fans that this dick's a yankee fan too...

poor tino martinez...old yankee first baseman has to sit behind rudy...doesn't he look thrilled to be there?

PS--so long joe torre...you had a great run...too bad the yankees management thought otherwise with their one year offer...

Under Stars

2007-10-18T12:01:00.001-04:00

under stars

secrets are kept as
dew spreads;
fog rolls out
for tomorrow's morn

wet grass
waits
the dirt pulses
with little lifeforms
moving about
dreams are produced

under stars
conversations
end and begin
swimming in moonlight

Too Loopy for Lupa

2007-10-18T09:58:00.000-04:00

can't walk
don't want to
maybe this isn't my planet
maybe this isn't my skin
where do the rainbows go
when the rain fades
the moon waves goodbye
and morning birds
wake me with their "tweet-tweet"
if i could feel my feet
i could tell them what to do
my brain is almost there
the body will follow
clouds move fast
too fast
too loopy to begin to
recall
all that has
brought me here
lupa can wait

Jury Reaches a Verdict

2007-10-15T16:25:00.000-04:00

so they reached a verdict on that case i was on as an alternate...i wish i could have been there to deliberate...seems as though they had a hard time determining the defendant's fate.

i wish there were more time in one day...

Oh Snap!

autumntime boots

2007-10-09T20:47:00.000-04:00

this isn't really fall yet is it? i mean, it was 90 degrees yesterday...wait...now it's raining and it is cooler out. otherwise, it's been straight up bar-bee-que weathers. what's the weather like elsewhere i wonder? i should look.

yo--but, like, whose boots you likes better in this picture? mine's (black) or my friend, nikki's? let me know...

DATED FASHIONS

Alternate #5

2007-10-09T20:35:00.000-04:00

it's true, i've been serving jury duty for the past three weeks...and now that my job as an alternate juror #5 is done, you can see what i listened to for so long! but, you didn't hear it from me, okay? the verdict was dished to one, but not the other--not the defendant i was there for. my memories with regards to serving jury duty will be posted soon!

the ultra-intense jury duty

rhonda vincent sucks

2007-10-09T20:17:00.000-04:00

i beg your pardon, but i just listened to a song by rhonda vincent and thought it was utter crap and it reminds me of how sometimes, old bluegrass sounds merge onto crappy country music highway. annoying at best. just when you think you've heard it all, you know? do any of you out there know who this rhonda vincent even is? comments welcome.

KEEP YOUR BIG HEAD UP, Y'ALL!

2007-10-09T16:32:00.000-04:00

The Birth of Cappy-The Crazy Captain (AKA The Chinatown Captain)

2007-10-04T02:29:00.000-04:00

This was the first of a string of adventures for the Chinatown Captain. Out to confuse people and restore justice, the Captain just wants to do his job and once in a while, help people. It was a hot day when we shot these. That jacket makes it feel like a million times hotter. People didn't really know how to react; I didn't really know what to say, so we were even that way! Dan could hear the Captain across the street while filming. The Captain was born on a train. His home is America.

The Art of Shoe Throwing

2007-10-01T01:04:00.000-04:00

this was a fun one, one of my faves actually. dan and i wanted to film something. anything. didn't know what. then, i found a bag of shoes. the rest is history! i can't recall how we got that ann taylor sweater though...

Mets Lose It All...and so do i

2007-10-01T00:30:00.000-04:00

today the mets set a record...not a good one: only team with a 7 game lead and 17 left to play to lose the division. glavine started the game by giving up 7 runs in the first inning and not since 1989 has the lefty been yanked in the 1st. terrible. why did willie leave him in. why not take him out after say, 3 runs? delgado got his hand broken by a dontrelle willis fastball and the mets had bases loaded at least twice in the game and failed to bring home any of those runners. it's hard to handle. on the tele they showed all the fans left gazing into space after the final out. 8-1. jesus. this doesn't feel real nor right at all. reyes was booed all day and why not? he was, afterall, something like 5 for 40 and hadn't stolen a base in over 15 days. even the cubs made it to he postseason (they clinched the same day the red sox did). we lost out because of our pitching and today, lack of offense. a week ago, they couldn't field if their lives depended on it. wait--their lives did depend on it! ultimately, the mets got unmotivated somewhere about two weeks ago, which is a drag because at that point, i think i may have had more passion about their playing then they did. well, i'm sure i'll hear t from all the yankees fans out there, but i'm sure they can relate...afterall, the yankees had a 3 game lead against the red sox and watched them come from behind and go to the world series. also, a baseball first. but, at least they were in the postseason. there's no worse feeling for a fan and i imagine a player or manager. 162 games later and we missed out on the playoffs by one game. horrible. i wonder if glavine did that on purpose? was he paid off? last year, beltran had the bases loaded with two outs in the bottom of the ninth in the 7th game of the national league playoffs...and struck out, the mets down by two or one...i forget...try to forget anyway. when your faith is put to the test and nothing is to show for it but heartache and bewilderment...it stings like hell. i shall try to move on, but to will be too easy to consistently ponder what might have been.

Two-Headed Turtle

2007-09-28T10:43:00.000-04:00

i got a two-headed turtle
named franz and mertle
one looks this way
the other looks that
it freaked out my mother
and upset my cat
i took it outside
just for a walk
and the whole neighborhood
started to talk
"give it time," the one turtle head said
"and soon they will see
pets with two heads is the way to be"
not less than one week later
at the zoo:
a two-headed alligator
two-headed dogs, cats, mice, a bird
a ferret named monkey with super
long fur
and how am i not to feel awkward
the freak genetic fad hit wonder
of the century
have not many a man lived with two faces
should we continue to monitor
random situations in these
far away places
my two-headed turtle; shine fantastic
share the heart; pulse dynamic

Plant Thief

2007-09-27T23:31:00.000-04:00

plant thief
plant leaf
falling as you go

plant thief
plant chief
because he make it so

the jade that you took
atop of the book
was dried up and dead
did you not look?

the dirt which you spilled
came up from the hills
now it's all over the
white window sill

you and your hat
tripped over my cat
the dumbest criminal ever
please return my plant

plant thief
plant leaf
falling as you go

plant thief
plant chief
because he make it so

What The F**K! God Damn It to Hell!

2007-09-27T23:21:00.000-04:00

Watched the Mets lose last night and tonight. Not pretty. Not Pretty. Phillies won. Mets lost, and now we're ted for first. For the first time since May 16th. We got served only our fifth shutout of the year and brother, now's not a very good time for that f**king bull***t! God f**king damn it! I haven't had much sleep because i'm working late. it's starting to take ts toll what with the mets and work and the trial's still going. i love jury duty! is that nuts? I so can't think straight right now! i'm at court all day, then go to work, pick up work to do at home, watch the mets then do work wake up go to court go to work get work get home watch mets do work. yeah, the yankees made the playoffs for the 13th year in row (so "they" say). congrats to you yankee fans out there for getting in there. nuts as hell. now: indians vs yanks, first round...mets will sweep florida...my prediction...are they (MTA) gonna raise the subway fare? i think they are by like .25 cents...LAME!

GOD F**KING DAMN IT!!!

2007-09-25T22:18:00.000-04:00

could you guys PLEASE beat the last place team...please? f**king 14-3 last night, 10-3 now, going into the bottom of the 9th...WHAT THE F**K ISI GONG ON?! you wanna know? middle and late inning relief. it stinks. you know why? because of the regular dudes are too tired because of their consistent work all last month and in july. thankfully, the retarded phillies have lost tonight. to, of all teams, the braves! our magic number, should we lose tonight, will be 4. PROPS TO MOISES ALOU WHO HAS A 29 GAME HITTING STREAK! WHAT? WHAT?

FK YOU MTA MOTHERF**RS!!! (god damn it!)

2007-09-25T21:02:00.000-04:00

i don't get it: why's the F train so god damn slow sometimes? not all the time but a good lot of the time. usually when i don't have to rush somewhere, it's there. but if i need to get somewhere, i wait. am i alone? holy crap. and listen, if you're an announcer schmuck reading this, please, don't announce 50 thousand times that we're being held up because of this that or the other. we know we're stuck you moron, you certainly don't need to keep reminding us. there's nothing you can do. just shut up. it's not as though you're shedding light on the stuation: all you do is tell us we're stuck! f**k off! and you people in the booth--what the f**k is going on there? nothing. you sit and get pissed if i ask directions. "SORRY I RUINED YOUR NAP, I JUST WANTED TO KNOW WHERE THE F**K I WAS GOING! FORGIVE ME PLEASE!" and how's about, "hi, i'm the person that suddenly needs to blast water 400mph near your feet to knock off the dirt to the tracks where the rats will eat it later," great...thanks. and good lookin' out to the crazy idiot that needs to take their time walking down (or up) the stairs to the platform. i really appreciate you walking directly down the center while my train pulls into the station. that's great. thanks for moving outta the way so i may pass...NOT! one kid purposely, recently, refused to move out of my way with my train right there. we bumped chests and he looked back. i told him straight up, "you're a dick!" he kept walking, the observation too obvious. and props to the waste of life who enjoys sitting on my shoulder when i get that seat next to the damn doors. Yeah, i'm happy you can feel free to rest your ass on my shoulder. thank you. that's great. and hey-what's up to mr. elephant nuts who seems completely incapable of closing their damn legs. do you really wanna rub your knee against mine the whole journey? awesome. a big middle finger to the guy who decided to f**king electrically shave on the train. What are you? nuts? no joke. everyone cleared away from him. i truly hate the MTA and everything that goes along with it. although their museum is kinda fun.

Dog Day Afternoon

2007-09-25T17:50:00.000-04:00

I have had, simply, such a stressful day. It started last night when my roommate was attacked by the dog she adopted over the weekend. My cats were kept in my room for a few days while Rudolph got used to his new home. Last night, coming home from work after jury duty (so annoying), I got a call from my roomie who locked herself in the bathroom because Rudolph bit her hand (drew blood/broke skin) and chased her in there--growling and showing teeth. Bex and I got home, put him in the kennel so roomie and her man could leave. Bex and I walked him and he was fine. I even took him to meet Lux (he tried to hump her!). Woke up dumb early to walk him as my roomie was terrified of him now. Tried to take him to where they said to bring him back and they wouldn't let me because they knew nothing about it! Brought him back home, went to court, came back and they JUST picked him up. I hope he finds a good home because he is a nice baby boy. Shame it didn't work. But as it is, I have a headache the size of Nebraska and the house smells like dog piss! I'm now cleaning the floors and house. Kill me please.

Where Have You Gone Bobby V?

2007-09-24T18:22:00.000-04:00

Thinkin' of ya, Bobby...Hope yer well and managing a group of misfits somewhere.

Mondays Really Do Suck Kinda

2007-09-24T18:04:00.000-04:00

Word! I'd love to sleep and hang out all day with my baby, as Donny Soots is doing here with his lil' honey, Siena...alas, I have no baby and Siena is getting bigger...in fact, she walks around like it's no one's business these days! Today was a fun day at court and now I'm back at work! THAT sucks so much...every time I come here, I find notes left for me by the gal filling in for me while I'm "away"...serving. She's a nice person and seems to be doing a good job, but man...I would just prefer to not have to deal. Long story which I will get into later (what I do, for whom I work for, &c...). This is officially the last week of baseball before the playoffs. How 'bout that? Makes me sad. But, on a "dope" note, Moises Alou, whom the Mets got during the off season, has a 27 game hitting streak! Longest ever for a Met; longest in the majors this year...he beat Casey Blake's (Indians) streak of 26 games. Tonight the Mets face the Nationals at Shea--home of dreams! They have a 2.5 game lead as of right now...LET'S GO METS! I so wish I could discuss the case I'm on with you all, but I can't. Big trouble if I do. You know that. I want to see more Fassbinder films...watched "Ali: Fear Eats the Soul" by him last night with my lady. Such a great film--highly recommend it to y'all! In short, a German widow falls for a much younger, Moroccan man, much to the dislike of everyone around her. Amazing! Netflix that shite now, kids!

2007-09-23T20:06:00.000-04:00

This is an oldie but goodie, Taco Cheese Johnny. Bunch of us were over at Dan & Nick's and after about an hour of trying to figure out something fun/sily to shoot, Nick came up with Taco Cheese Johnny. Later, Lubell rocked the anime-felt, theme song. I love the wig that I'm wearing in this one. Can't find it anywhere now. You'll notice in the scene in the opening, when I "taco cheese" the 'walk/don't walk' sign, I get pissed for a second because the light wouldn't change! Emily gets props for her acting at the end as the crip! Interesting to note that the scene where Dan Myers is sad and in a deserted ally never made it out of the cutting room floor.

Apothecary Hymn Frontman/St. Christopher Bassist Loses Big Bet!

2007-09-23T18:47:00.000-04:00

Alex Stimmel, songwriter and frontman for Apothecary Hymns and Bassist for my band, St. Christopher & The Sleeping Doormen, went on record (April 4th, 2007) to say, "man, the Angels and Indians suck! Both teams will never clinch their division! EVER!" When I asked him how he knew this (he doesn't pay much attention to baseball), he told me "I know what I'm talking about." Well, that's when we made the bet: if the Angels and Indians do NOT clinch, then I would owe him a sponge bath, a new toothbrush and $100 dollars cash. However, if they DID clinch and go to the baseball playoffs, he would have to make sweet love to his bass. Welp! Today, Sunday the 23rd of September, both teams have officially clinched! Time to pay up, Mr. Stimmel. As you can see from this disturbing picture, taken at approximately 4:00 this afternoon, the love making has already started!

GHOSTS CONTACT ME!

2007-09-23T14:15:00.000-04:00

A few ghosts from the infamous John G. Myers Department Store building collapse, in Albany, NY (August 8, 1905), contacted me while at my friend's house. We in no way meant to contact these souls, rather, they approached us--why? We have no clue. My pal, Daniel Myers quickly grabbed his infra-red ghost imaging camera and captured this intense photo. In this amazing picture I'm holding the hands of both Mary McAvoy and John F. Powers. They formed a relationship in the afterlife. Both died in the building's collapse. They say the cause of the disaster stemmed from the giving away of a brick pier on which rested an iron column supporting one of the center walls of the building. When pier and column gave way, the wall fell as well as the floors and roof of the whole central portion of the building! I only know all of this because of what they told us. Dan claims he wasn't freaked out at all, but I could tell by the following picture (taken hours after the ghosts contacted us) he was a bit shook.

Mail Art & Mix Tape Project

2007-09-23T12:54:00.000-04:00

i'm sending people my art (paintings, poems, collages) and audio cassette mix tapes, via snail mail. if interested in receiving stuff in the mail, please let me know your mailing address and i will reply! (send your mailing info to: czg123@yahoo.com please indicate if you have an audio cassette player!)

I'm So Tired & Bloated

2007-09-23T12:15:00.000-04:00

in my attempt to be a "good half-jew" i fasted yesterday and then ate last night at sundown. bex and i ate at this great spot called "Little Village" on 7th ave in the slope, between 10th and 11th. once again, i ordered too much; mad leftovers. woke up early to walk lux, get coffee (decalf) and watch some telly. bex went off to work and left me behind bloated and confused. was gonna go see the "Old Wine Klezmer Band" play at the grand army plaza library, but i, at this moment, can't seem to get it together to get up and out! sunday morning...gotta love it! Mets won last night, maintaining their 1.5 game lead over the Silly Phillies.

What's the Good Word, Dogs?

2007-09-22T16:06:00.000-04:00

Today's Saturday saw some rain for the early part of the day: at first all in sheets, lots of raindrops fallin'. It started to taper off around 1-ish in Brooklyn. Now, it's simply humid. I like-a-the-cool cool breeze of early Fall, but it was no where to be seen on this day. The Mets won last night, which is great because the Phillies also won and the lead remains at 1.5 games. Perez today in Florida, still. On my way to babysit the May-Bell dog, Lux when my roommate came home with a puppy-boy! We had spoken in the morning about how she really wanted a dog and was gonna go peep some for adoption over at 7th Ave, here in the Park Slope. And sure enough, she came back with a cutey lil' lab-mix lookin' baby. Hyper as hell, but excited to be living I'm sure (he was on canine "death row" if you catch my drift!). They (whoever they are) named him 'Nicky' and we both agreed that the name MUST be changed. I hope my Mona and Metsy warm up to him. They just gotta (Mona and Metsy are my pride and joy, kitties-mona is like, 13 and metsy is about 1/2 or 2 now)! So, I'm at at the May-Bell (dan lubell/kacy "the tomato kid" mayer) compound...writing, relaxing and facing the unnerving task ahead of me in having to create some resumes. I write resumes for the city's oldest resume-making service. Something you oughta know about me. God, imagine if you're reading this and you don't know who the hell I am? Well, I reckon, it is up to me, in perhaps you, not knowing who I am, seem as interesting and well worth the time reading about, right? At the same time, if you're a pal reading these crazy poems, interviews and verse, I certainly don't wish to bore you in any way. I mean, I'm just, like, writing down these things as my days go on. Dare I actually attempt to be affable in this...this blog universe?
I digress...perhaps intentionally. I'll be back, I just have to walk Lux (she's such a good baby-dog! lil' puppy/big head).

2007-09-21T16:52:00.000-04:00

Serving jury duty as an alternate sure can be fun and rewarding! I actually feel somewhat important, despite my role as an "alternate" (number five at that!). But it's good to see how the process works, what lawyers do, &c...it's also, let's face it, a great excuse to miss work! Gotta love that, no? Truth is, I'm so devoted to my employer that I work after I serve jury duty. No, I don't have to, but I do anyway. I wish I could discuss the case here on my blog, but I could get in big trouble for that. I am, however, writing about my experiences and will try to get something published. It's a big, heavy case and the angle, my angle as alternate juror number five, can make for some funny times. We'll see. Meanwhile, I can't believe what's happening in Louisiana with regards to the Jena Six case...insane. Google "Jena Six" to read more about racist judges and backwards southern policies.

Cristoforo Colombo

2007-09-21T03:03:00.000-04:00

Christopher Columbus created bone sculptures
pushed them on people he did not know
he made people
he did not know
cry
and feel bad about being themselves

In addition to discovering America
(which was already there)
he discovered the truth about himself;
watched deep red clay blood run
all for the stupendous admiration of the Queen

Mets Lose 5 Straight, Win, Then Lose Again

2007-09-21T02:49:00.000-04:00

Tonight I watched the Mets come back, after having a 3 run lead initially, 7-3 against last place Florida. Then, I watched them blow the lead again. With a back spasm plagued Wagner down, Willie called on Feliciano in the bottom of the ninth. After giving up a hit, Willie brought in Jorge "don't call me Sammy" Sosa, who proceeded to allow Florida to come back and tie the game. After a lousy top of the 10th, in which Mets batters seemed fooled by Tankersly (of all pitchers!), Sosa came back again, this time officially blowing the game. The second place Phillies won; now our lead has shrank to a nail-biting, tummy knotting 1.5 games. Please, Mets...I beg of you...get that pennant and get yer stiff together! (Magic Number = 9)

Pork Thai Sticks

2007-09-21T02:44:00.000-04:00

reflections of pure pearl beams
blue showers of paper bits
little riffs wrapped in tasty
pork thai sticks
purple nights with orange sunsets
every soul
remiss
with glow afterthoughts

The Homeless Curator

2007-09-21T02:20:00.000-04:00

(the following conversation took place at Grey's Papaya on 72nd Street & Broadway)
CHRIS GORDON: Thank you for your time today.
HOMELESS CURATOR: Thank you for the hot dogs, shit! I'm itchy as a bitch wearing all these clothes. Crazy humidity today on the streets. God damn. Mmmmm. I can't tell myself to stop sweating though, right?
CG: I mean, you could I guess.
HC: But it won't listen-my body won't listen to me. Man, I am itchy as hell.
CG: Can you take off your coat? Why you wearing a coat anyway?
HC: Man, I put this down someone gonna come along, stab me, take my coat, take my shit, kill me. Cut me up and eat me for later. All kinds of trouble.
CG: I see.
HC: Yes, man.
CG: What museum do you currently curate?
HC: Moma.
CG: Really? Wow! That's sweet!
HC: Not really. They all (makes a face as though sucking lemons and shakes his head side-to-side), you know? Hardly any foresight.
CG: Jeez.
HC: My grandfather was friends with Abby...Abby Rockefeller. She was the one who came up with the idea and developed the Moma like that. He worked with her, my moms worked there and now I curate exhibits there. I work very closely with Glenn. You know him, right? Glenn Lowry and shit?
CG: I don't know who he is but, wow, that's so inter-
HC: Yeah, he and I sit down; sometimes he come meet me over on the Bowery. He brings me sardine sandwiches. We smoke cigarettes on toothpicks by a fire. Nice man. I told him this one time, "yo, let's do more Cezanne-type shit. More Chagall-really utilize our collection."
CG: Why or how are you homeless?
HC: You have five dollars I can borrow? I can hardly stand up, I'm so itchy.

Lohan Hiding Out in White Plains

2007-09-21T01:58:00.000-04:00

(the following conversation occurred at Pathmark in White Plains)
CHRIS GORDON: Thank you so much--you sure you don't mind if I record this?
LINDSAY LOHAN: Shut up. It's fine.
CG: So, wow...I was walking over there to get some carpet cleaner for my mom and I was like, "is that Lohan?" So crazy. What are you doing here?
LL: Totally ran away.
CG: You did? Wow.
LL: Yeah. You know...it's...well, yeah...just like, totally needed "out".
CG: I didn't get a chance to see I Know Who Killed Me, is it good? I mean, were you happy with it?
LL: Yeah...I don't know. What's this for?
CG: What.
LL: These questions.
CG: Oh...I don't know. My blog? I guess? I doubt anyone's gonna read it.
LL: You could sell it or something. I'm a "wanted" person-literally. No one knows where I am or anything.
CG: What are you doing in White Plains?
LL: Honestly? I don't know.
CG: Weird.
LL: Do you party?
CG: I mean...I have.
LL: Do you have five dollars I could borrow?
CG: You're gonna pay me back?
LL: I mean, well, yeah, you know? I'm in White Plains.
CG: For now.
LL: Can you hold some stuff for me?
CG: Five dollars, now "hold some stuff"? I don't get it. Here's five dollars.
LL: Thank you so much.
CG: Okay.
LL: I should run.
CG: Okay, well...thanks I really appreciate this interview. Good luck with everything.
LL: Okay.

For Frost

2007-09-21T01:43:00.000-04:00

Walking along stoned path
the flavorful flowers make my cat laugh
overturned large plants
resting from the previous night's rain bath

Kicking my shoes off, walking bare on grass
the sun rising too fast
breathing in the new spring morning
as this too soon shall pass

My cat asks, from her rolling back
'fore the daffodils feel her attack
"why have we stopped?"
our paws far off the beaten track

Morning mist mostly hovering low; crisp air
stuck, i am frozen in thought, feet still bare
she moves on without me
sitting down i can feel her feline stare

She knows as well as i
the many miles yet to travel 'fore i may lie
close my eyes again to sleep
let us rest a spell under God's new pink turquoise sky
let us rest a spell under God's new pink turquoise sky

The Feeling Days Are Too Long

2007-09-20T19:03:00.000-04:00

I love libraries. Although, I kinda wish they didn't have such a division between the borough branches, in other words, I wish I could borrow in NYC and drop off in BK, or borrow in Queens and drop off in NYC. Oh well. I always get the feeling, walking around in a library that I have to get something to borrow/take out. What a loser I'd be to not check something out...to just walk in, look around and not borrow. As if it were a Barnes & Noble to walk around, browse and not get involved. So I left with 5 CDs and some books.

STOP STOP

2007-09-19T15:54:00.000-04:00

Clearly
this alcohol is working
wonders on our brains
another hour
i will be insane
you
have had more than me
falling to the floor
we pee

LET'S GO METS (please)

2007-09-19T15:42:00.000-04:00

This can't be happening: 5 games lost in a row by the team that once held a 6.5 game lead over the Phillies. A nightmare. 10 errors in two games (three alone by Reyes)? Unheard of. Lack of fielding, middle-relief and quiet bats late in the games. BUT--hope is not lost, and as any Mets fan will tell you, "you gotta believe." About 11 or 12 games left. Willie is confident and so am I.

Just Dessert (Sundae, Sunday)

2007-09-19T03:36:00.000-04:00

Take a scoop
Take another
drop the second beside the other
gimmie spoon
too soon
Spill the syrup
Spill sprinkles
all over the everything
colorful jimmies make world
better somehow